Search This Blog

Monday, March 11, 2013

So you created a wormhole...

First, congratulations!
Second, what were you thinking? Don't you understand what you have done? How can you be scientific enough to have created a wormhole without having watched enough sci fi to know what's wrong with your discovery?

Let's look at some good reasons why you should shut your wormhole down right now:

Deep Space 9

Oh look, the Federation found a naturally occurring wormhole that is safe and reliable outside of the orbit of Bajor! How exciting!

However, the only reason the wormhole even exists is because of some cosmic jerks called "The Prophets" who keep interfering in everything, but not always to help out.

Oh, and on the other side of the wormhole is this group of conquering and controlling changelings called the Dominion that want to cross over the wormhole and take over our part of the galaxy, but hey, free wormhole.

Stargate

Ancient aliens left a series of gates that connect a huge number of worlds. That's a pretty cool opportunity to explore the universe, wouldn't you say? Too bad the universe is filled with the remnants of the creators of the Stargate, the Goa'uld, that enjoy enslaving humans and using them as hosts for their baby slugs that are their actual selves. (OK we find out later that they didn't create the Stargates, but whatever.)

Oh, they also have lesser slugs that make people into Jaffa, or slave warriors. The slugs keep them strong, healthy, and long lasting, but they don't get a lot of say in their lives.

So pretty much everywhere you can go through the universe in a Stargate has these guys on the other side so exploring sucks, and since you opened the gate, the Goa'uld are obsessed with messing up our world. Double win!

Farscape

So you figured out a way to make a mini wormhole by slingshot off the atmosphere of a planet. Congratulations! Too bad you have no way to control it. It's also a shame that you landed in the middle of a jail break and pissed off the leader of a group of Peacekeepers.

What are Peacekeepers? Well they look like humans, but they are engineered killing machines that no one in that part of the universe likes. So thing leader guy is now obsessed with killing you because his brother died when you jumped into space. You've got friends, but they don't always trust you to know what is going on, and you have to stick a bug in your mouth to brush your teeth, but at least you have Muppets to hang out with.

The Mote in God's Eye (and other books)

So it's far in the future, and you get to have and use this awesome Alderson drive that only works between stars, but only if you find the right start point. (Super difficult wormholes) You get to travel between worlds, but you have to deal with intergalactic wars and such problems.

Then this strange ships shows up and almost flies into a sun. It turns out that it has come from a region of space called the Mote which happens to be in God's Eye. So you jump in your ship and travel to the place the ship comes from, and you find a group of aliens you call the Moties, and they seem nice, but they probably aren't so nice. Maybe they are looking for a chance to take over your part of the galaxy too.

Wrinkle in Time

If you've read this far, you'd better know what a Tesseract is. Basically it's a wormhole without needing a ship. Sounds cool, right? It is until you end up on a 2-D planet and almost get crushed or you go to a planet with a giant brain thing that wants to use your baby brother to take over the universe.

Wrap up

So you managed to figure out how to create a wormhole, that's great, but now, you need to shut that thing off ASAP! Who knows what terrible things might burst through that thing. It's going to be a terrible thing for everyone. These are just a few examples of how things can go wrong, and I didn't even get into wormholes that get people lost. (Voyager, Lost in Space, etc.)

2 comments:

  1. But now what am I going to do with all this plutonium I bought from the Libyans?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds like another challenge to me.

    ReplyDelete