It's almost October!

That means that it's almost time for yet another series of posts about Halloween costumes. Last year it was the Top 12 Stupid Sexy Costumes and the year before that it was the Top 12 Lame Scary Costumes. How can you resist finding out what is going to happen this year?

The first post will go up on the 1st.

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 2

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Number 3- The Lorax

Let's think about this for a moment. Who is the Lorax? The Lorax is a small animal-like creature from a beloved Dr. Seuss character that championed the trees. The story isn't very long since it is a children's book. The movies gives a little more story, but I don't see that justifying this.

Think about any reason why you might find the Lorax sexy. His environmental message might score a point or two. His love of animals and the trufula trees might add a couple more, but let's be honest here, the Lorax was never designed to be sexy. Do you see the other gender of a Lorax? Maybe they don't reproduce, or they do mitosis or something. You might as well have a sexy amoeba or something like that.

If you really want a perfect reason to not think about a sexy Lorax, think about this guy:

This is Danny DeVito, the man that voiced the Lorax in the latest movie version. I got over the choice after seeing how he did with the part, but maybe I can plant in your head the idea of Danny DeVito when you see a sexy Lorax costume.

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 3

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Number 3- Sexy Darth Vader

Originally, I was going to make this my #1 pick, but then I thought about it some more. When I talk about a costume being stupid, I'm mostly talking about it being pointless and uninspired. This costume does have a point, although it is not your typical kind of attraction.

This costume has to have been put together for the fetish crowd. You've got a mask/helmet, skin tight latex(?), all you need is higher heels.

I'm not against that if that is what floats your boat, but it's definitely not a costume for everyone. Besides, when I think of Darth Vader, I'm not looking to be aroused. Think about what he looks like under the mask. Definitely not sexy.

If you want to do something Star Wars related, there are plenty of options that would actually be considered sexy. (This is the part where I reassure my friend, Matt, that aside from this aside, Princess Leia won't be on this list.) Pick one of those, and stop freaking everybody out. Nah, just do what you want, but if you're going to wear this costume, expect lots of reaction

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 4

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Number 5-Pokemon

"Gotta catch 'em all!"
"I'd like to get a Pikachu" (peek at you)

I could go on with lame pick up lines, but if you wear this costume, you will hear more than these, and much worse. Think about what Pikachu looks like. He's a small chubby mouse that is bright yellow. There just isn't enough to make me think of Pikachu, and I'd rather not think about an electric mouse like that anyway. I guess I can give the costume makers a point or two for the tail and the ears, not that that really takes any effort, just someone realizing that without them, this is just a girl in a tube top and a skirt.

If you're a fan of Pokemon, then feel free to dress up as your favorite, but do them the courtesy of trying to look like that Pokemon, OK?

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 5

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Number 5-Nemo

Wow, so some orange and white stripes is all it takes to turn a girl into a clown fish? That doesn't seem quite right. Look around at some of the other costumes to see why this one misses the mark. While looking for an image, I saw a great one with a kid basically carrying a large stuffed fish as a suit.

I guess you can pass it off as just wanting to recreate the colors of Nemo, but you certainly can't pretend that you look like him.

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 6

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Number 6-Cookie Monster

Let's start with a simple statement that I think that most of us can agree upon-Cookie Monster is not sexy. He is a big blue monster that overindulges in cookies. (I won't deny my enjoyment of cookies, but that is a different subject.)

For this post I have a few pics of different attempts at a 'sexy' costume. This first one is just lazy. Couldn't we at least give her a blue dress to add to the illusion? If anything, it looks like the Cookie Moster has become a zombie and traded his love of cookies into love of brains.

Next up we have Team Sesame in some dresses that don't really do anything for the project. Also, can we just say no to pedophilia 'sexy' Elmo dress? (Yes, I know that Kevin Clash is a mature African-American man, but you don't think of him when you think of Elmo. You usually miss Keven even when Elmo is right there.)

I thought I should be fair and throw in a costume I think is halfway decent. Not only is most of the costume blue, giving an attempt at pretending to be a big blue monster, but she also has a cookie in her hand. Sure Cookie Monster still looks like he's gone full zombie, but at least this costume is trying.

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 7

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Number 7- R2D2

So we have two options here: one is a awesome small robot, the other one is a person deluded into thinking they look like an awesome small robot. R2D2 is probably the best thing about the Star Wars movies. He's funny even though he doesn't talk in a language we understand, he is always getting people out of trouble, and he's just so adorable.

This costume just doesn't capture any of those characteristics. It completely misses the character and doesn't do him justice. She could at least where some kind of helmet, right?

If you're going to wear this costume, do me a favor and at least figure out a way to make R2 noise, OK? That will make all the nerds of the world feel a little bit better.

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 8

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Number 8-M&M

I get the appeal of this one, and it should probably be lower on the list. I mean, think about the classic tag line for M&Ms- "melts in your mouth, not in your hand." It's the perfect line to get the attention of that cute person at the party-perfect ice breaker.

That being said, there isn't much to sell this costume. Sure you get to see a lot of skin, but it certainly doesn't look anything like an M&M. At best it looks like an M&M is trying to tear its way out of your stomach. (This usually isn't considered sexy.)

I don't want to be picky about this, but isn't green supposed to be the sexy one? I'm pretty sure that the girl  in the picture above doesn't really want people thinking about a 'boy' M&M when they look at her.

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 9

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Number 9-Twister

Maybe I'm wrong, but I was pretty sure that girls didn't appreciate it when guys randomly grabbed at them. Unfortunately, this costume practically begs to be touched. All you need is someone to shout "right hand blue!" It's a fun idea, although this costume looks like it could easily pass as a go-go dancer.

On the plus side, this does bring up a classic game with lots of appeal. I'm sure that will get you some consideration. With all of that in mind, I had a friend that just took the 'board' and turned it into a dress one year, and I thought that was a lot more original. It's up to you though. Take this one or leave it.

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 10

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Number 10-Sexy Crayons

I know a girl that wore this costume a few years ago (I think it was a purple crayon) and if you're reading this, I'm sorry, but you fell for the trap. The trap is that the makers of cheap costumes don't want you to be creative, or work out ideas of your own. Just like with the Tootsie Roll, they want you to conform to their image of what the costume should look like.

I'll give this one a small amount of acknowledgement for thinking about the crayon tops, but they do look a bit silly. There are lots of better ways to make that work (why not go with a wig the color of your crayon? Most crayons aren't sharpened after all.)

I guess the idea is to have a costume with an association with thin crayons, but that just makes it worse in my opinion. If you're thinking about being a crayon this Halloween, then try to come up with something on your own. I'm sure it will turn out much better.

Top 12 Stupid 'Sexy' Costumes-Number 11

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Random Animals That are Neither Sexy nor Animals

Number 11-Tootsie Roll (and other candy)

So quickly, I want to emphasise that my list isn't an attempt to make people feel bad about their costume choice. Wear what you want. This is more about pointing at the companies that make the costumes and being disappointed that they don't try harder, or provide something more.

Look at this 'costume.' It's really just a dress with Tootsie Roll stamped on the front. Are there really that many people that don't see that? Ladies, you can save yourself some money:

1. Wear the dress you want.
2. Get a piece of paper.
3. Write "Tootsie Roll" on the paper.
4. Stick it to the front of your dress with tape or a safety pin.
5. Go out and spend the money you would have spent on this costume on something worthwhile.
6. Take the sign off the dress.
7. Wear it whenever you want.

Top 12 Stupid "Sexy" Costumes for Halloween

In a world that is becoming more and more obsessed with 'sexy,' we are bombarded each Halloween with new 'sexy' costumes. Unfortunately, some of them are really stupid. This list will examine the Top 12 stupidest 'sexy' costumes.

Random Animals That are Neither Sexy nor Animals

This first one is more of a catch-all, and is designed to get the ball rolling. These costumes are more lazy than stupid, although the laziness makes them all the more stupid. I mean does this look like a Tiger?

Does this look like a Wolf?

I certainly don't think so. At least the Playboy Bunny look doesn't bother trying to look like a bunny, and just goes for the sexy. (Although they do add the cotton-ball tail.) I'm sorry, but those other costumes don't manage to pull off either category as far as I'm concerned.

With that in mind there is one specific animal costume that will get its own ranking, but we'll talk about that one later.

Top Twelve Lame "Scary" Costumes Number 1

Number 1-Ghost

Here it is, the worst of the worst. Yes, with effort, you can pull together a decent ghost costume, but you're never going to be scary with this costume. (Don't worry, Tricia, you're going to be a great ghost.) Where does the lameness of ghosts come from? Check out this picture for the Halloween special "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." There's a couple of reasons that Charlie Brown was dressed like a ghost. First, it shows how much effort goes into the costume-get a sheet and cut a couple of eye holes. Second, you get to see what can go wrong with the costume.

Before I wrap this up, I need to make a clarification. My friend Austin wanted to see the Scream costume. I will agree that that costume is lame, but I wasn't aware that the Scream movies were supposed to be scary, at least I didn't find them that way. It works out though because when I looked up ghost costumes, I found the Scream ghost costume, so I guess it works out anyway.

So, here it is. The lamest of the lame costumes. No one, and I mean no one, can make this costume scary.

OK, someone might be able to make this scary, but I had to use this image for the epicness of Barney Stinson, so maybe you want to accept the challenge too.

Top Twelve Lame "Scary" Costumes Number 2

Number 2-Vampires
Here we are down to the last two costumes. This is where it gets really bad. This is one of the top costumes for the lazy and/or indecisive. Before I tear into this one, I need to make a confession. I was usually a vampire for Halloween. A lot of the time, I just didn't pick a costume until it was too late to do anything else. Don't make the same mistake that I did. Yes, a vampire costume can turn out quite well if you play it up, but you won't get anywhere if you just grab a pair of plastic fangs and give yourself whatever kind of cape you can scrounge up.

This is one of the quickest costumes to put together if you're desperate, just make sure you at least give yourself a little fake blood to add effect. Take it from a fellow slacker, you're better off going for something creative even if no one gets your concept. Take this example as a guide. Here we have UberNerd Sheldon as the Doppler Effect. Sure most of the people he's hanging out with have no idea who or what he is, but at least he's got something better than a last-minute vampire costume to explain.

Top Twelve Lame "Scary" Costumes Number 4

Number 4-Zombie
OK, this is where the lameness really kicks in. I know that zombies are popular. I know that they are all over the place. This is part of the reason that they are so lame as a costume. I'm sure there are some creative ideas on how to pull off a zombie costume, but they are few and far between. If you plan to just paint your face white and give yourself a few scars, you're just part of the cliche-zombie pack.

Actually, that's a good idea for you. Get a bunch of your zombie pals together and wander around together with your arms out. Put together some moans and groans to add to the effect. After all, a lone zombie isn't scary at all. The main thing that makes zombies scary is the mob effect.

Top Twelve Lame "Scary" Costumes Number 5

Number 7-Jason
OK, I'm not here to down play the scare factor of Jason or Friday the 13th, but I am here to tell you that your choice to dress like Jason isn't going to get you very far in the scare department. I know, you're wondering what Jason has that you don't have. That is really simple. Jason has music, he has lighting and camera angles. You're just a guy in a hockey mask.

Let's be honest, there are NHL goalies that are scarier than you are. At least they have a hockey stick instead of a plastic knife. This one will never work for you no matter how hard you try. Strangely enough it's still better than some of your options.

Top Twelve Lame "Scary" Costumes Number 6

Number 6-Death
This is pretty much the last costume that requires some effort in order to work. Sure you can put some effort into the other costumes, but that you can still put those costume together with minimal effort. To be an impressive Death, you're going to need to do one of two things. You're either going to need to figure out a way to pull off some realistic bones or your going to need to find a scythe.

If you go to that extent, you'll get some respect, but if you just pull on a black cloak and hope no one notices you're going to be disappointed. Remember, if you're going to play Death for Halloween, you need to put in a little extra effort.

Top Twelve Lame "Scary" Costumes Number 7

Number 7- Freddie
For some reason, I had this one switched around with number 5. There really is no comparison between the two no matter what the movie franchise people would have you believe. (That may give away who #5 is, but oh well.

When it comes to big scares, Freddie is the one to watch. (At least he was before the remake happened. I'm not really sure how that turned out, and I have no intention of finding out either.)

This costume does have some scare potential, but you have to play it right. The biggest key to making this costume work is stealth. If someone actually sees you before you get the chance to make your scare, you're not going to get it, but if you can sneak up on them and get your clawed hand in place before they realize it, you can probably get the scare you want.

Top Twelve Lame "Scary" Costumes Number 8

The Mummy
We're only 5 costumes in and we're almost out of costumes that require an effort. We'll talk more about this later, but further up the line, costumes become easier and easier. I was reminded today by a friend of mine who is actually wearing the top lame costume, that even the lamest costume can get a rebirth if the person working on the costume is willing to put in some effort.

OK, back to the mummy. Here we have a very uninspiring costume. Sure it will take some effort to mummy yourself up, but a roll of toilet paper or some ace bandages won't actually make you scary. I'm not even sure you can act it out like some of the previous entries.

If you want to use this as your costume, then give up on trying to be scary. There isn't much chance you're going to have any success.

Top Twelve Lame "Scary" Costumes Number 9

Number 9-Frankenstein's monster
Frankenstein's monster, seriously? This one can be interesting, but you've got to step out of the box in order to make it work for you. Frankenstein's monster is not going to be scary no matter what you do. I'm sorry, but it just isn't going to happen. You've got to step it up if you want to make a splash. Yes, you're still going to need to get some impressive shoulder pads and a dress jacket big enough to fit over them. You'll also need to figure out those clunky boots too. I'm not sure how you'll give yourself the hardcore flat top either.

So I guess there's a lot of work, but again, this costume isn't scary, even if you pull out all the stops and give yourself over completely to the character. If you can't outrun this guy, there's something wrong with you. Instead, you're going to have to find a twist to make it more interesting. Last weekend I was watching the horrible movie "Spooky Buddies" with the kids at my Boys and Girls Club and they had a guy that was dressed up as Frankendude. He had a surf board and was dressed like a surfer, but with all the get up for Frankenstein's monster too.

*note* Some of you may be confused by me calling him Frankenstein's monster. You need to know that Frankenstein was the guy that made the monster and he never got a chance to give his creation a name so technically this creature should be referred to as Frankenstein's monster rather than just Frankenstein.